Hello!

It's been over two months since my last blog post. I'd say that I haven't updated because I've been super busy...but that's not the case. I haven't updated because life has been pretty boring lately. No crazy stories to tell. No pictures to put up. Well, Mom and I did visit Martin's Cove back in September, and that was pretty neat...but otherwise, things have been pretty tame.

I'm currently looking for a job. I occasionally work as a substitute teacher. I hate substituting, though. Children these days are evil monkeys. I don't remember so much drama when I was in grade school--and I also don't remember so much swearing. I've been subbing for a fifth/sixth grade split class, and you'd be surprised by the language these kids use without even meaning to. Depressing is what it is. There's also a lack of caring about other people. Kids are really cruel to each other. Yet again, I don't remember that happening back when I was in grade school. It seems like there's two or three bullies in every class now as opposed to maybe one or two in an entire grade...

I digress. The main reason I wanted to post today was because I saw New Moon on Wednesday. Tasha dragged me to it with a promise of food. Which I had. It was yummy food, too, otherwise I would've gone crazy. Here's my disclaimer: I'm not a fan of Twilight. I will be mentioning things that are probably considered spoilers. And I will be merciless in attacking Stephanie Myer's terrible use of mythology.

First things first: I have a soft spot for romance novels and movies. I enjoy them. I'm a sucker for sappy love stories and whatnot. But I am not a fan of Edward and Bella's romance (or lack thereof). First of all, Bella is a terrible character. She's a stock character that is terribly static, emphasizing all of the traits that women have been labeled with for centuries unfairly (in some cases). Bella is self-centered and wholly reliant on a strong male character to make all of her decisions for her. My strongest evidence is the way she reacts in the movie when Edward tells her that he has to leave. She doesn't even really protest. And, yes, arguably that's because she feels like she isn't worthy of his love or whatever--but the first book should've shown her that Edward was willing to do anything for her. After all, he managed to stop feeding on her before she became a vampire herself. Instead of begging or demanding Edward stays, she lets him go. And then spends the rest of the movie moping. Which is a little understandable, as heartbreak is terrible--but it takes her months to move on. Months. That's not realistic. If she were really depressed for months, she would probably progress to more self-harm than simply not eating or talking to people.

The apparitions of Edward are ridiculously contrived to try and bring him into the movie more. Which is ridiculous. I don't know why anyone decided Robert Pattinson was a good casting idea for a vampire that's supposed to be handsome. He's scary looking. And compared to Taylor Lautner (Jacob), I don't know why Bella choses him. Honestly. He's brooding (but not in a good brooding way like Angel from the Buffy universe) and immature. Why would vampires choose to spend years repeating high school? Yes, I know they eventually go to college...but that doesn't change the fact that they willingly decide to go to high school over and over and over. Which is stupid. Anyone who has lived through high school doesn't really want to go through it again. Especially since basically the same things are taught over and over. As anyone who has watched Twenty-One Jumpstreet knows, hearing the same thing over and over gets to be monotonous and boring. Are vampires too stupid to remember that they've learned how to solve algebraic equations over and over?

I was glad when Bella finally started hanging out with Jacob. Mostly because the pacing during her depression was boring! The scene where the camera rotated around her to show the passage of time seemed to take an eternity. I felt as though I'd been stuck in the theater for all those months. Which wasn't good. For most of the movie I was actually playing with a butterfly clip I'd had in my hair to keep from crying out of boredom. It was so predictable.

Anyway, I'll move on to the Volturi. Goodness. That was stupid. A council of vampires that make up rules that all vampires have to follow? Lame. And contrived. My biggest problem with the Twilight franchise is that Stephanie Meyers has taken the fangs out of vampires. They just aren't scary in her universe. The point of the vampire mythology is to keep people inside at night like most other mythology. They are widespread in different cultures (though my favorite form of the vampire is one from Japanese mythology that detaches its head and flies around through the sky at night with intestines trailing underneath to suck blood) and are supposed to be feared. Not sparkle. European vampires die in the sunlight to add to the mysteriousness of the pale strangers--as well as to make daytime safe. Other vampires look like normal humans during the day and can only be revealed as vampiric creatures by turning their body parts around so that they reattach themselves all crooked-like. They're scarier if there's no real way to tell that they're killers during the day. Sparkling vampires are not scary. They are ridiculous. I might have been okay with Meyer twisting the mythology if not for the sparkling. They're more like fairies. And not scary at all--which isn't helped by the lame action sequences in both the first and the second movie (and the books).

My next problem is the whole werewolf thing. I know that in the book Meyers makes the distinction that they are not werewolves. But no one seems to remember that. They're skinwalkers, people! Not werewolves. There are legends of skinwalkers in many Native American tribes that walk around with the pelt of wolves, bears and other creatures that eventually turn into them. There are also legends of similar people in Eastern European countries. People that willingly change into wolves. Werewolves do not willingly do so. They are forced into their wolfish state during the full moon. Meyer's wolves are skinwalkers. Okay? Good. Now to complain about the CG. Goodness, I haven't seen wolves that look that fake since Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (at least they weren't hairless like poor Lupin). The CG in this movie seems to be three or four years behind the times. Yes, I know that this isn't a big budget movie...but the first one made enough money they could've paid for something decent, right? They look stupid. And entirely unrealistic.

I know that I'm supposed to suspend my disbelief and forget what I know about mythology...but I'm sorry. The script wasn't very good. Pattison looks disgusting with his shirt off (I wish I could erase that from my memory) because he looks like he's dead. The Volturi are ridiculously contrived and not really scary. And Edward can't read Bella's mind because she doesn't have one. She's a doormat. She doesn't even drive her own truck for most of the movie! This franchise reinforces stereotypes that women need saving and that bad boys really can have soft centers like Edward. Bella is fixated on death. And not a good role model for the little girls who read these books (I've seen several fourth graders with the books). I suppose the only good thing about the books/movies is that vampires are popular again.

Thanks for reading my rant!